I have this great pill box, really useful thing. It holds a whole weeks worth of meds in seven individual day containers. I particularly like that it has sections for four different times of day as well as a PRN section, which was hard to find. I love that when I go out for the day I can just stick that's days container in my bag and go. It's a great pill box and it makes my life so much easier.

So why is it that every time it's time to refill the thing I can only bring myself to fill the next day, all the while telling myself and my partner that I'll refill the whole thing tomorrow? I tell myself that I'm so tired, that I forgot and it's now 11.30pm and it's too late to do the whole thing. Often my partner just does it and I'm so relieved, it feels like a huge weight off. It could be that I have so little energy that this is just the one extra thing that I can't take. It could be that my brain is fogged from those medications and I find it hard to count out all those tablets. It could be that I just don't like doing it. But somehow I think it's more than that.

That handy pill box is a constant reminder than I will still be ill in 7 days time. That I will still need all those tablets just to make it through the day. It is a billboard screaming that I will never recover, just innocently sitting on my bedside table in all it's rainbow coloured plastic glory. When I realise that it is no wonder that the last thing I want to do is refill it for another seven days, today I will allow myself to just fill tomorrow with no guilt.